The Wanna-Be Momma and Daddy Memoirs

Want to say my apologies

I sincerely apologize for the lack of posting! KJ and I are in the midst of many states and states from where we live now and it is very time consuming!!

-A

Lack of posting.

I apologize for the lack of, or more accurately, the disappearance of posts. My computer got a virus and it’s taken me some time to work it out of the way. Everything is running smoothly now! So more posting for the future.

KJ and I are in the works of moving to a different state and I’m trying my best at charting my ovulation. Right now I am on day #2 of my cycle.

Everybody around KJ and me are having babies and it’s just making me more and more gloomy on this whole situation. Finding a donor hasn’t made any changes and it’s just discouraging but like KJ says “Let go and let God.

Well, anyway… you should be seeing a post from him sometime in the near future. Until then, I’ll be posting and hopefully (cross your fingers), be in a lighter attitude towards this whole situation!

-A

Jealousy does not mix well with me.

Perfect timing.

I found a free book on my Nook that is all about keeping faith in God when you are in crisis or in over your head. I feel like this could be good. 

I can honestly say, my patience has never been tried more.

I know that in the end it will all be worth it but having to track my cycles, find a donor, work up a contract, buy the supplies for shipping if necessary and figuring out exactly when to ship is just so much to have to do. Especially when  all I ever pictured was just letting the chance of pregnancy be a surprise! I wanted to put it in God’s hands and just go from there… I mean, it still is up to Him but there’s just a lot more than hoping this was our cycle and peeing on a stick. There’s more than praying and crossing my fingers. There is so much planning. I hate getting discouraged like this, I really do. 

I always try to keep my head up and stay strong but it’s just so frustrating. The original sperm donor we had was working with us so well before his schedule got to hectic and I want that back. I want that ease in a difficult situation back. When we first started with that donor (we’ll call him donor J) he worked with my cycles that seemed to always want to fall around the weekend and on holidays, which you can imagine would make the shopping that much harder. 

I see all of these other women getting pregnant without even meaning it and not being grateful for the miracle they are given and the jealousy I have makes me so ashamed but what else can I feel? My younger brother’s sister got pregnant the same month that my Fiance and I started trying. If that wasn’t enough jealousy, she just found out she is having a baby girl and for some reason since we decided to start trying, all I picture is having a little girl in my stomach and raising a daughter first- so of course my jealousy doubled. It makes me feel horrible but if I am being truthful with myself then I have to admit it… 

I just need to have hope and faith in this situation and of course within God. 

Always,

A

And the search for a donor continues.